Sometimes the most important thing we can do with those we love is learn how to step into difficult conversations. Learning to do this is a skill. A skill that takes practice, and a willing sparing partner, to learn.
I sometimes hear from couples a fear or misperception that coming to couples counseling automatically means the relationship is over. While it is true that, typically, couples who come to couples counseling are struggling (often for quite some time) it is also true that they are showing up for each other. By making the decision to show up for couples counseling, each person is committing emotional, financial, and time resources.
My intention with every couple I work with is to get to a space where each person can decide that being together is an active choice, NOT an obligation. To get to this place, we have to openly consider all the options available and why we choose what we choose. This means exploring why you chose to be with this person originally, what you love about them, what drives you crazy about them, where your growth edges are, and how the relationship currently serves you. As parents it also means talking about the changing roles you each play as members of a growing family and how that impacts you as a couple. And it means being able to talk about all of that together.
Being together is a Sacred Contract and I truly believe that each couple comes together because of the sacred work they can do together. When we choose to step into the deep spaces, to do the work, and to actually show up powerful shifts happen. Sometimes the outcomes of these shifts and the healing they bring draws partners closer together. Sometimes it involves acknowledging the ways partners may be growing apart. And sometimes it involves redefining the relationship. Whichever path opens up, we step into the space together with eyes wide open.