This month I’ve decided to share some of the aspects about the ways I show up in my work that you may otherwise not see. There is so much that is tumultuous this time of year, December seems like a good month to break from the normal formatting and be a little more off the cuff.
One way I show up in my work that may be a little different than other counselors is in offering parenting support as a complement to my individual work with teens. Often times when teens come to see me, there is tension or pain at home. Whether the pain or tension is related to conflict with other family members, or results from the experience of caring for someone who is suffering, the result is that the individual teen’s experience is entwined with those of their family members.
Each family and situation is different. Some teen clients tell me very clearly that they do not want their parents coming in to see me. That’s absolutely fair; it’s also the exception rather than the rule. Other teens are comfortable with the idea. When that is the case, we talk about how we can set up parenting sessions in a way that feels both safe and supportive.
I have a very collaborative approach. As I see it, I come into the room with tools and skills to offer, and you come into the room as the experts on yourself. Together we identify goals and ways to move forward. For parenting support sessions, I work with my teen clients to identify how often they would like their parents to come in, whether they would like to be in the room or not, and what they might like me to discuss with their parents. Before each parenting support session, I let my teen client know that it’s coming up. And after each session, I debrief with my teen client so they know that this is about them and they are in the driver’s seat.
The way I describe it to teens and parents is, these sessions are not a space where I report what my teens share in session. It is very important for me that everyone knows confidentiality is primary – both so that clients feel safe to say what they need to, and so that parents know what they can ask. However, in spending time with my clients I get to know them and that information informs how I respond to their parents’ questions and concerns.
Parenting sessions are a place to talk about challenges the parent experiences in relation to supporting their child. Sometimes the most important thing I can do is listen. Other times, normalizing the experience of parenting a teenager, providing advocacy resources for working with schools, agencies, and other support services, and reframing conversations around topics such as sexuality, gender and identity can be helpful.
The primary piece is the acknowledgment that we live in community. When we are struggling, our intimate community is impacted. And as teens, on the cusp of adulthood but still very much influenced by and under the authority of our parents, it can be difficult to resolve your struggles on your own.
You deserve to feel fully supported on your journey of personal growth. And because I recognize that your role as a member of your family impacts how you are able to integrate the work we do together, I also equip your parents with tools to cultivate an emotionally safe space at home.