One of the things I get to do in my professional life is facilitate groups for the Embody Love Movement. Founded by Dr. Melody Moore, her inspiration for this curriculum was a group of teen female identifying clients she worked with as a group. They are now known as the ELM Warriors.
Over the years of supporting and witnessing these young people, Melody realized that the real magic was in offering the space for them to connect and support each other. Inspired by this realization and the courage she saw in these young people, she created a group curriculum with a focus on body positivity, self-love and the idea of enoughness.
Each of us experience challenges. Some are related to how the world perceives or labels us, others perhaps by labels we choose for ourselves. Young women and those who identify as female experience a particular societal challenge around body image and self-love. As my friend and fellow ELM facilitator Minta recently shared on Facebook,
“Body image is a systemic issue that starts with the influence of media….and trickles down into our dinner table conversations, school clothes shopping, and doctors office check ups. The shame and fear we carry simply for the way we look robs of us our true purpose here on earth…Liberation is bound of in our ability to love ourselves.”
I love facilitating these groups, getting to sit in a circle of individuals who identify as female and talk about the commonality of our experiences. Each time I do so, at least one person says, with tears in her eyes, that it’s amazing to hear someone else voice the same fears and insecurities she feels. That maybe her struggle isn’t so damn unique, and how freeing that is.
When we think our primary, perhaps our only value, lies in our physical appearance it can be impossible to see ourselves as enough. We spend so much time and energy focusing on our external selves and trying to be what social media and advertisements say we should be, that we begin to hate ourselves. To feel less than. Not to mention, all that time and energy spent on our appearance takes away from our ability to do things we love.
When I talk with young people about sex and body image, I often think of a young girl I knew growing up. She began having sex at 11 years old, but didn’t let any of her partners see her fully naked until she was in her 20s. Three years after the birth of her first child.
It made me sad then, and it makes me sad now. She had learned through her early experiences that her value was in her body and being desired by guys. It wasn’t until much later in life that she learned that sex was about sharing an experience with someone she cared about and felt safe with, and that it was about pleasure for both her and her partner.
Body image and sexuality are intertwined in our society. Images of girls and women are often objectified, sexualized, and reduced to parts. How often do you see an ad that shows a woman’s full body, where she’s not being made to look sexy? They’re two sides of the same coin. If we are valued only for our bodies, then our value lies in what our bodies can do. And while our bodies are capable of A LOT of wonderful things, the messages we receive from media and society are all about sex and providing pleasure.
How awesome would it be if we got to grow up in a world that valued our internal selves and taught us that sexuality and identity are ours to choose; that there are a lot of different ways to be in the world and that they are all ok; and that when we do choose to be in relationship with people – however we do that – that it is about each person both giving and receiving?
Most importantly, how amazing would it be if we each grew into adolescence and adulthood knowing that we are absolutely enough, exactly as we are, and that we don’t need to change a single thing about ourselves to be lovable?